I started this as a private journal while I debated whether I had my own best interests at heart. I wroted, deleted, changed the colors and quote, and wrote some more. Finally ready for a preview, I asked Marc to read my first entry and the following is the comment he left for me. As it would automatically be deleted when I made this public, I copied it down so that I could share it. This is what he wrote:
What a great chapter 1 to the rest of your journal! Let me tell you a little secret: People love authenticity. They sense when you're trying to represent a version of yourself, and they will usually respond with their corresponding public persona. So you got alot of suportive but generic responses that made you feel like "gee, these people don't know me or care about me, because if they did they'd see the truth about me is much darker." Well, you can't really resent them for believeing the facade especially on the internet, when it's hard to tell what's true and what's representation.
The only thing that's different about me is that I have a partuclar talent for reading between the lines, and I know that people in pain desperately want someone to break past their defenses. I also don't worry about being liked, I worry about being authentic. Sometimes it gets me in trouble, the people think I've trod on their boundaries, but in your case, I'm very happy indeed.
Remember feelings are not facts, and the truth will not kill you. And anytime you need to share a secret, I promise I can top you in the badness department. And you don't see me walking around with my head hung low! My mistakes do not define me. As for you, I know for sure that you are incredibly kind, and that is the most important thing that anyone can be. Now be kind to yourself. That's an order.
So, here I am, I'm just following orders. :) I have a lot of thinking, reading and writing ahead of me. This means changing some of my longest held beliefs. Marc's recommended a book for me to read, and I've found a few others that look very promising. I'm spending time thinking about and making notes on what I'm reading. I'm spending time on my "self". Maybe that's why my schedule is down right now-to give me that time. I'll close with this quote, which really resonated with the way I'm feeling right now. Although, I'm not sure of the exact wording on this or the author, as I got it from someone else.
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
by Michael Gartner(I think)
<3
so very true what Marc wrote... I have trouble with writing my entries because I'm always afraid of offending someone. I can always tell when the readers don't care for what I've written because they don't comment. It's so true that you can count on it. There's a lot that goes on in my life that I don't write about, hence the private journal I made, hopefully this week I will write in it, I haven't had time this past week between taking care of Heathen, taking care of the house and Cindy and work. I think you are wonderful and don't forget that. There's very few people in this world that I think that of...and you are one of them. Hugz and Blessings Hon** Teresa
ReplyDeleteGood life's lessons from Marc and the Gartner quote. It's a little scary being authentic, at least at first, but after a time, it starts to feel so good that you can't imagine being any other way. I look forward to reading more.--Sheria
ReplyDeleteI like that quote and I like the advice Marc gave you
ReplyDeletebetty
Marc does read between the lines but sometimes gets it wrong like the rest of us. If you can be true to yourself, we don't need to read between anything and we'll know it as it is.
ReplyDeleteGaz
Gaz is quite wrong, I always get right.
ReplyDeleteIt's finally sunk in that the alerts were not working, which is why it took me so long to come see you new entries.
It hurts my heart to see how many people edit themselves for fear of displeasing others. It's taken gay people centuries to get to the point of understanding that the value of who we are is not measured by the validation we receive--or perceive--in the eyes of others. In a way, being marginalized has been an advantage, because when you rethink and question the assumptions of society, you learn to develop your own set of paramenters in creating a sense of self-worth. I listen to my conscience first, and the fingerwaggers last, if at all.