A forgotten find.

While I was rummaging through my car trunk the other day, cleaning things out a bit, I found a book that I had picked up at the thrift store, and forgotten about. I took it to the lake with me today.

There's something so relaxing about sitting by the lake, reading, with only the sound of the waves and birdsong for background music. One of my favorite summer pastimes.

Anyway, this book couldn't have shown up at a better time. It's titled "Wherever You Go, There You Are. Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life." by Jon Kabat-Zinn. The first lines in the introduction blew me away.

"Guess what? When it comes right down to it, wherever yo go, there you are. Whatever you wind up doing, that's what you've wound up doing. Whatever you are thinking right nowm, that's what's on your mind. Whatever has happened to you, it has already happened. The important question is, who are you going to handle it? In other words, "Now what?" "

"In every moment, we find ourselves at the crossroad of here and now." ....

And it goes on to explain what mindfulness is, and how meditation helps to be more aware of that here and now.

This has just become my main lakeside reading material for the start of the summer. Ill be practicing the mindfulness meditations, as well. I'm really looking forward to getting into this book. It's another one of those cosmic smacks on the forehead for me. Have book and notebook, will travel....

~Namaste~

Overcoming Negativity

This an interesting topic on a message board I'm a member of. It's asking members for the ways that they(we) handle negative thinking.

This is one of my most serious issues. I really do know how to wallow in negative thinking. And of course I know better...

Anyway, one of the replies really intrigues me. The poster said that the negative emotions hold a purpose. They serve as an impetus to examine what is going on in her life more closely as there is something going on that creates these emotions. Her goal in life is to be a happy person for the most part, and when she's not, she asks herself why.

"Why do I want to feel negative. Why do I want to feel pissed. Why do I want to feel depressed. When I take ownership for my emotions...reminding myself I feel the way I do because it is my CHOICE to feel that way, it spins the perspective a bit. I examine why I feel the way I do and it forces me to be much more honest with myself."

I'll be looking at my emotions more closely and from a whole different angle from now on. The trick is to "do" something with/about those emotions.

My lesson for the day-well, one of them anyway...

~Namaste~

Dreams

I don't remember mine. It's strange. I know I must dream at night, but I can never remember anything when I wake up in the morning. And it bothers me.

Maybe I should count myself lucky. That also means no nightmares. I just think it's odd.

I can't blame sleep problems, I sleep well at night. I rarely wake in the middle of the night, except for the occasional trip to the bathroom. I don't toss and turn, usually waking on the same side I fall asleep on. I wake naturally in the morning. The only days I have to set the alarm is when I work an early shift, then I get up at 4:30am, giving myself plenty of time for coffee before that early shift. That's only 2 mornings out of the month.

I generally sleep about 6 or 7 hours, and don't feel the need for a nap during the day, so I'm getting enough sleep.

When I was a child, I would talk in my sleep, and for a few years, had some sleepwalking incidents. According to my father, I would get up and turn on the lights and TV, making enough noise to wake him. He'd lead me back to bed and turn everything off. Now, this was back in the 1960's when the only thing on in the middle of the night was static or a test pattern.

So why can't I remember anything when I wake up? It's disappointing, and puzzling.

The last dream I remember was over 7 years ago. I was napping with my head on my arms on the kitchen table. Back then I did suffer from not getting enough sleep, and had long stressful days. The only reason I remember the dream is because I was riding a bicycle in Traverse City. Up and down hills, lost and trying to find my way among all the one way streets that this city was notorious for. A real driving nightmare(no pun intended). I have no idea where I was going or why, and I was alone. That's it.

It would be interesting to set up a noise activated tape recorder to see if anything does happen and what exactly. Maybe I snore. I don't think so. No one has ever accused me of snoring.

If you have any theories, leave me a comment.....

I'm befuddled!

~Namaste~

Link, Schmink Sorry!

I'm trying the link for the Poteskey Stone this way:

http://www.boynecounty.com/poteskey-stone-73/

ETA: Yay It Worked!

Syncronicities

It's a good thing I unplugged last night when I did. 10 minutes later a lightening strike caused the power to go off for a few seconds. Just enough to send my clock back to flashing 12:ooam. My laptop was safely unplugged just in the nick of time. ::whew::

In working out things to do posts on for this journal, I started thinking about the things to be proud of myself for-some of my personal positives. It sounds like a good topic to work on. A way to push the negative self-critic into the background for a while, so I started a basic list of points to include.

Pause for some drawer cleaning out-the dreaded "junk" drawer we all have, somewhere. Mine is the small top drawer of one of those plastic storage units. Most often filled with odds and ends that get tossed on top of my desk-when I need to clean it off. An odd earring, spare reading glasses, padlock key, a necklace that I picked up at the thrift store to tear apart and reuse the beads from, a receipt, a note to myself, just stuff.

In there, I found a Petoskey Stone that I had picked up on one of my walks. I want to learn how to polish it. That got me thinking about things I'd like to do or learn to do. More things to add to my list.

Getting distracted, I stop to go online, forget that I want to look up the Poteskey Stone and go to Google Reader, to check out some of the blogs I read periodically. In one of them(I don't remember which one) this web site was mentioned. 43 Things. I wrote it down. I haven't really gone to read the whole concept of the site, yet. But basically, it's about making lists of things you want to do, want to learn, can do, etc.

Talk about smacking me in the forehead with a sign! The Goddess is saying, "Hey, look here for some answers." That's some pretty positive energy coming at me. I'm not going to ignore it, I promise.

I know that I need to concentrate on good things in my life, and there are many. Good qualities in my personality, talents, accomplishments. These are not often acknowledged by me.

It's so much easier to listen to that little negative critic. Especially on days when I'm feeling sorry for myself. Those days when I think of all the things that I can't do because of finances right now. Plans that I've made for 3 summers, that won't happen this year, either. I could be irresponsible and enjoy myself, but the consequences could really hurt me. So summer doesn't look like it's going to be much fun.

Anyway, I'm going to check this site out, maybe do a list or 2, and I'll share the results here.

11:55pm on Day 8. ::whew::

~Namaste~

Some Ponderings

After the last couple entries, I've considered dropping this journal from the 31/31 challenge. I may have taken on too much. Trying to come up with material for 2 blogs on a daily basis is more of a challenge than I had pictured.

I don't want my posts to be just empty rambling. Yet, when I sit down to compose my entries in this blog, the words freeze up. Refuse to come together in an understandable fashion. Stubborn words...and I'm having a difficult time sorting out the feelings that I'm trying to express. I'm even having trouble right now with just getting this much out. There's a thunderstorm close by, and I had to post this before I have to shut down and unplug. Just a little more pressure to complete my mission. I don't do my best work when I have to hurry.

So, with apologies on giving up for tonight, I'll just close by saying...

~Namaste~

Clarification

Last night, when I was struggling to compose my entry, I was feeling like a misfit. I've felt that way for most of my life.

Humans are, by nature, social creatures. Most everywhere you go there are groups of 2 or more people with common interests or goals, doing things together, having fun.

I don't really have anyone in my life to share my interests with. I've settled(for lack of a better term) on solitary pursuits. I do like my alone time, don't get me wrong. A good book, walking in nature-with just those creatures that are at home there, are just a few of the things that I crave to stimulate my mind and soothe my soul.

I think that is part of the reason I don't seem to be able to define who I am. I can't really attach myself to any particular group label. I don't fit in anywhere.

Does this make any more sense than what I was trying to convey last night?

Well, you say, just go out and find others with the same interests. There are many things that hold me back. Shyness and financial issues, are just a few of the main things.

I've got some time today to ponder on this some more. I need to get ready to leave for work, now. I'll come back with my thoughts this evening.

~Namaste~